Kilimo Grand Resort: A Decent Conference Hub with a Major Maintenance Problem

On the 16th of March, 2026, I headed out to Kikuyu for an annual meeting at Kilimo Grand Resort. I’d been looking forward to this day for a while, but as luck—or rather, bad luck—would have it, I fell ill just a day before the big meeting. That didn’t stop me, though; I braved the drive all the way from the Southern Bypass.

I found the hotel easily enough via Google Maps, but my “something is off” radar started buzzing the moment I reached the gate. The building facing the entrance had peeling paint—a total contrast to the polished, inviting photos you see online. It wasn’t the best first impression.

Maintenance

The word that kept coming to mind was decrepit. It felt like a building that had simply been left to decay. The car park was jam-packed, and the guard on duty seemed completely overwhelmed by the chaos. Even walking up the stairs to the second-floor conference facility, you could tell that maintenance is just not a priority here.

The Conference Facility

Surprisingly, the conference hall itself was actually good—much better than the rest of the building led me to believe. It was well-lit and featured a 65-inch TV live-streaming the speakers. The setup was professional: round tables for eight, bottled water, and tropical sweets. It actually felt relaxing and comfortable, which was a relief given how I was feeling.

The Toilets (The “Criminal” Part)

Then there were the washrooms at the entrance of the hall. If the conference room was the highlight, the toilets were the absolute rock bottom. The urinals were stained and looked like they hadn’t seen a deep clean in ages.

The most bizarre part? As I went in to take a leak, there were two ladies in there attempting to clean the urinals. They had to excuse themselves so I could use the facility. For a hotel to have washrooms in this state—and a cleaning “protocol” that awkward—is honestly criminal.

Food and Final Thoughts

I usually make it a point to rate the buffet, but since I wasn’t feeling well, I had to skip the food this time. I won’t give an official rating there, though I’ll be honest: it didn’t look particularly appetizing from a distance.

I didn’t check out the rooms or the pool, but if the “face” of the hotel is anything to go by, Kilimo Grand Resort needs a total overhaul. I’m honestly shocked it maintains a 4-star rating on Google Reviews.